The End of My Time
by windborne
Summary: Kikyo's end is nearing... and no one knows what lies inside the heart of this cold detached miko. That is, until now.


The End of My Time

Written in Kikyo's POV

I settle myself on the thick tree branch, with my back to the trunk. Asuka is holding my longbow, and Kochou has my quiver of arrows. The Shinidama Chuu lazily fly above the tops of their heads, looping back and forth in a slow sinuous dance. I hold out my hand, and my favorite soul stealer, the one I have named Chirri, alights on my finger.

"Take a break," I direct the two faithful shikigami. They nod and I stare off into the horizon, eyes open but unseeing. I have come such a long way since the time I was the protector of the Shikon no Tama. A long road have I walked, filled with pain and heartbreak. I'm nearing the end of my path, but there's no one to comfort and reassure me, no one to tell me it's okay to let go. My eyes drift shut, and my thoughts zoom back in time…

Recalling it now, I know that what I felt wasn't truly love. I didn't love him for who he was, but there were similarities between us, as well as a mutual attraction.

I was a miko, and I will always be one. The life of a miko is lonely and fraught with unimaginable danger. There is always a possibility that you may be called on to fight a demon stronger than you. You never know if you will live to see another sunrise. I made my decision, and this is the path I have to walk, fated to be alone. I don't want your pity. I don't need it. Look at it this way, in replacement of the warmth I could have found, I have my purification powers. Some would prefer my solitary fate, while others would choose the warmth and love of home life. Mikos have to stay alone. Losing control over our emotions means losing control of our powers. I can't risk that. I've always thought that a miko had to be pure in mind, body and soul, but it seems not.

Inuyasha is a half-demon, shunned by humans and demons alike. He stands in the gap between the two sentient races, but neither will accept him. Humans run screaming at the sight of him, and demons would rather kill him than talk to him. It is alike with mikos. We are human, and yet we are not. We are gifted with powers from Mother Nature. We always walk one step away from common villagers, because they don't understand us. They look up to us as heroines, but that's not right.

I really thought that I cared for Inuyasha, enough to spend my life with him – once he turned human. That was crucial. I wanted to get rid of the Shikon no Tama's power, because once it was gone, the demons seeking it would leave. I could settle down in the village. As a traveling miko, I've seen more than enough of carnage and grisly injuries. I tend to the wounded. My hands have been soaked in blood, and I feel as though I've been defiled, although I know that's not true.

It's only now when I look back, that I realize the heady feeling so precious to me then wasn't love. Now I know Inuyasha has someone to love him wholeheartedly, and she's not me. She's Kagome. For his sake, I pray and hope everyday that she will never leave him. I know she's from the future. I don't know whether she will stay or not. Frankly, it doesn't really concern me. This is why I no longer try to kill her, and I will not ask Inuyasha to go with me to hell again, because I know this is where he belongs. And I know who he belongs with. It's not me. Since he was once dear to my heart, I sincerely do hope that he finds a happy ending for himself.

And Naraku. That filthy spider half-demon has made me dirty by just being in contact with him. Lifting one hand, I gently touch the teeth marks on my neck. I keep telling myself that this clay body is temporary, and nothing done to it matters. It's what I keep repeating, but somehow I can't bring myself to believe it. I know that this mating mark was what made him trust me, and was the thing that let me bring him down ultimately. But this mark has also shortened the lifespan of this body. I don't think I can linger for much longer. But there are things I must do first.

I stroke Chirri's head softly. The Shinidama Chuu are the only ones keeping me alive here. With a nod of my head, two of the other soul stealers take the spirits away from the two shikigami who have served me so faithfully. I pet Chirri's head one last time, before giving the flock a silent order. Chirri balks, but grudgingly begins to move when I give him a glare. The soul stealers surround me, and in a flash, they snatch away the dead souls that give me mobility.

I fall to the ground, panting hard. This clay body cannot last anymore. It is time to move on, time to pay for all I have done. I lie on my back, gazing up at the azure sky. I feel a sense of peace, as if I know that I have done all I can in this world. I pray that whoever judges me will forgive me for letting Naraku taint this body. I know that as a miko, I should never let Naraku put his mating mark on me. And yet, in the end, it was necessary.

I smile one last time, a smile of true happiness. I have not smiled like that since I was a child. With that, I release my hold on this animated corpse. It was awful to stay there, and finally, I am free to go. I have always known my time is limited. And now, the end of that grace period has come.


End file.
